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yes brain, you can has

April 2015

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The Blogger's Prayer

Lo, there do I see my posts.
Lo, there do I see my tweets.
Lo, there do I see my gifsets and my picspams.
Lo, there do I see the line of my blog, back to the beginning.
Lo, they do call to me.
They bid me take my place among them on the Internets,
Where the geek may live forever.

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astro_noms: (winter lights)
OMG. Thank you, mysterious paid account gift giver! Seriously, I opened the e-mail this morning and got all teared up.

♥♥♥♥♥
astro_noms: (bandom: color of danger)
I am horribly behind on reading my flist and everything else, so if there's anything fun/interesting/wanky happening, feel free to let me know, either in the comments or via e-mail, mkay? *gloms you all*

Saw Mom and Stepdad off to work, and I'm taking my sweet time doing anything, including showering and getting dressed, because it's my goddamn birthday and they're gonna be gone most of the day, so I can be a slob if I want to. I have some translation that I really need to finih, because I was supposed to send it in on like, Friday, but travel and everything kind of got in the way. And then... I don't know. It's snowing, and it's supposed to rain later, so maybe I'll go to a museum somewhere? I have no idea what I want to see.

Mom took me to her friend's bachelorette party on Saturday, we went to a concert at Juilliard on Sunday, Mom took me to Dia: yesterday, with a caveat of "I know you don't really like modern art, but I think you'll like this" (I did, mostly), and we're going to see Waiting for Godot (!!!!) on Wednesday. The tickets are like, in the nosebleeds and I think they're actually standing tickets, but given the chance, I wasn't going to miss this. We're probably going out for sushi tonight, and there's something else I' probably forgetting for Thursday afternoon, so I'm having a quite busy and activity-filled week. I'm really glad I'm getting today mostly to myself, because while I enjoy doing stuff with mom and Michael and I'm very glad I'm here, I'm getting a tiiiiny bit burned out on being social and not curling up under a blanket and not coming out. So getting a bit of alone time is great for recharging my batteries.

Tomorrow morning is registration for classes back home. We finally got the schedule late yesterday, and oy vey, it is a HUEG mess. There are classes overlapping, and they've given 5 groups of one course to one instructor and only one to another, so there's going to be a big rush on those. Assuming I get everything I'll be trying to get, I may possibly have Fridays off, which would be nice. In a small school like ours, we don't get more than one section per class, so if you want to take something, you're stuck with what they give you, time slot-wise, and there's no alternatives. And although one might think that small school = more instructor time for every student, that's definitely not the case at our institute. I keep saying we need to stage a coup and start running things with the students in mind, rather than just catering to the needs of the faculty. My mom keeps saying I should stay on and do a doctorate (at which point, because you have to teach as part of the program, I'd be part of the faculty), and try changing things from inside, but IDK...

Anyway, that's not what the crying in the subject line is a reference to, actually. [personal profile] gorgeousnerd linked to the last MCR song and video and foolishly enough, I watched. I'm jut glad that the parental units were out of the house, because I burst into tears about halfway through and didn't stop until it was well over. This band, I swear. I fought getting into bandom for the longest time, resisted listening to MCR for a while, and then when I fell, I fell hard. Waking up to the news that they'd broken up on the day I was due to leave Wales last year was hard, and getting to hear a new song on my birthday... well, it's definitely a bittersweet thing. I'll have to listen to the song a few more times before I can fully appreciate it, but I'm thinking that won't be today.
astro_noms: (tea; motherfuckers)
So I went to the doctor this morning, and I started off with "when I lived in Canada, my doctor prescribed me a low-dose of antidepressants to treat my PMDD symptoms." I started off listing the symptoms I was experiencing, and the doctor's all "what drug was it?" So I told her it was Prozac, and kept going about how I wasn't sure if a GP could prescribe antidepressants in Poland, and she's all "yup, I can." And then she told me I could get an equivalent if they had one, because it was the same thing basically, mentioned that we might have to adjust the dosage or switch to a different drug, handed me a prescription, told me to start with half a pill once daily for now, and told me to come see her at the end of July. I don't think I was in there longer than five minutes? Very anticlimactic, really. I got myself all psyched up with convincing arguments for why she should give me the prescription, and how I wanted to try dealing with the PMDD first and then see about seeing a psychiatrist, etc., but thankfully I didn't need any of that. We agreed that if things don't improve over the summer, I should go see a psychiatrist, though, so we'll see where things go.

[livejournal.com profile] upupa_epops went with me to keep me company (because she's awesome) and then we hung out and talked for a while. Then we went for a walk and we talked about the research project I have to write, and Marta gave me an idea for how improve things. I had most of the theory sorted out, I just needed to figure out whether I needed actual case studies, and what I should use. We talked about how maybe I could do the comparison of two translations of English books into Polish, and then we realized that the approach I want to take would be much better suited to comparing a translation of non-Polish, non-English books into those two languages. And then I mentioned something from an introduction to Master and Margarita, and we realized that that was the perfect case study. The earliest translations were done from censored versions of the original Russian text, and given the political and cultural climate they would also be different that modern translations. So now I have two Polish translations and six English translations to pick from. But yay, progress! I may actually get this fucker written on time. *deep breaths*

And now I'm going to go make myself some tea and possibly study some more American literature. Did you know that James Fenimore Cooper wrote his first novel on a bet with his wife? #themoreyouknow
astro_noms: (keep calm)
I had a panic attack at 2 in the morning yesterday, which makes two of them in the last three days. I suspect that as grad school application deadlines loom closer and closer, I'm going to have a few more of them. It's not that I'm freaking out over not getting in, because I'm pretty confident I can. But the prospect of choosing a thesis advisor, and deciding on a topic, and writing the thing, and playing by the stupid fucking medieval rules of Polish academia at the same time? *rocks in the corner*

On top of that, my mother's trying to convince me to go for a second BA - there used to be a two year diploma program at the institute of Judaic studies, but they've turned that into a regular BA program now - but I really don't know if I want to do that. Like, sure, it might be fun, but I haven't even decided if I'm going to stay at UWro, not to mention whether I'm going to try for a second degree. I guess I'm going to need to make up my mind pretty soon, since application dates are coming.

It's just... I've never been tremendously fond of writing critical analysis of anything. And to think I'm going to have to write 60+ pages of it makes me worry. Because what if I suck? What if I pick something I'm enthusiastic about, and I spend the two years of the program neck deep in research, and then it ends up sucking? What if I start hating it halfway through, and that totally screws up what I'm doing? And it's not like I can really talk to my mom about it, because she's just gonna bust out that old "stop being ridiculous, you're a smart girl, you can do anything you want," which thanks, I guess? but that's not what I'm looking for when I tell her stuff like this. And I'm going to stop writing this now, before I write myself into another panic attack... /o\
astro_noms: (we all float down here)
I know it's probably the hormones talking, but I'm having some massing FEELINGS right now, mainly consisting of crying until my head hurts (well, hurts more) over silly TV shows. And I'm not sure if talking about what's behind these feelings would help, especially since I know that no matter what, I can't actually do what these feelings would dictate I do, for many insurmountable reasons. And not just because these feelings are probably going to go away in a few days and I'll be back to normal.

Ugh. Would it be so fucking hard to just get a goddamn text message once a month, uterus? SERIOUSLY.

meh, I say

Feb. 23rd, 2013 02:20 am
astro_noms: (dear doctor)
Hey, AO3, let's talk about being able to download a whole fic series in one file, hmm? There are probably way more multi-fic series out there than I'm aware of, but I've run into quite a few myself, and it's kind of a pain, managing them on a Kindle, especially when the series name is not encoded in the metadata title. Like, even that would be helpful, maybe appended to the title as (Series, Part x of y). I know I can do this sort of thing myself with something like Calibre, but I also know I'm not the only person who wishes series downloading was a thing. Also, while we're on the subject of things we'd like to see, as [personal profile] moonie pointed out the other day, "notify upon completion" would be a cool thing for those of us who don't like to read WIPs until they're finished.

I've been in kind of a funk lately, swinging back and forth between good days and bad, with the latter being far more prevalent. Like yesterday, for example. I was determined to actually be productive, so I packed up the computer, grabbed a banana for lunch, and went to the library. And sat there for the better part of an hour, staring at the computer screen and accomplishing absolutely nothing. So I figured, OK, a mental health day may be in order, where I focus solely on making myself feel better, and went home. And then I sat there at home, stressing out over how I was wasting time on a mental health day. *sigh* Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

But then I decided that I needed to try some relaxation and possibly just unwind some more, so I googled and found a 30 minute thing on YouTube. There's some binaural sounds for deep relaxation added in there, but I have no idea how they're supposed to work, so IDK. I put on my headphones, got comfortable on the bed, and played the thing. And then the next thing I knew, it was three hours later, and I was getting woken up by knocking on my door. I do feel a little better, although I wish I hadn't slept for so long, because it's now past 2am, and I'm still up. Although judging by the yawning and the encroaching grogginess, it might not be too long before I faceplant into a pillow.
astro_noms: (cute owl)
I've talked to both my parents, who both checked up on me to see how I was doing. They also both pointed out that I shouldn't feel guilty about not being able to go to the funeral. I got to see Gran before she died, and I got to say goodbye. Funerals are for the living, anyway, and if someone has a problem with me not being there, well, that's their problem.

Still mostly numb and not processing things very well. Luckily I have Marta who's been keeping an eye on me all day and making sure that I'm OK, so if I do fall apart, I won't be alone. <3

bleargh

Nov. 24th, 2012 11:22 pm
astro_noms: (improving morale)
From time to time, I get the urge to join various online communities, whether it's user groups for a camera on Flickr, author mailing lists, or something like that. And then I look at the amount of posts/mail that comes in every day, and I end up slowly backing away while not making eye contact, because I just get a feeling that nothing I might contribute would actually be worth anything and I'm just gonna go over there doing something else. >_> IDK, it even goes for things I'm interested in, like the gazillion writing comms I've been in and failed out of. Every time I make the resolution to actually try and participate, I last about a week and then wash out again.

I don't know whether this is just another aspect of my introvert nature shining through, or maybe I'm just a big antisocial loser who can't take even those "no pressure" comms.

*sigh* Being tired makes me morose. I need to go to bed.
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