me: *lying down on the couch cuddled up with my grandmother*
Grandmother: *running her fingers through my hair* My God, your hair is so thick. Too bad it's so ugly.
me: Why is it ugly?
Grandma: Because it's short. You should have long hair, like a proper girl!
me: So I hurt my back, and spent two days barely able to move. I've also decided that I'm entering into a civil union with the heating pad, because she makes me very happy.
Mom: Maybe you should enter into a civil union with exercising, hmm?
me: Wow, mom, thanks for the sympathy. It's really appreciated.
Mom: If you exercised more, you wouldn't have gotten hurt. Also, you'd be thinner.
me: So tonight I'm wearing that skirt you bought me.
Mom: Does it... does it fit?
me: Yes, mother, it fits. It fit back when you bought it for me, and it still fits.
Mom: Have you lost weight?
me: I don't know, probably. Things seem a little looser.
Mom: Well, don't overeat too much. You don't want to undo that weight loss.
cabaret on TV: That's the problem with women. The fat ones, you don't want, and the thin ones put on weight anyway. Still, I'd rather take the fat one, at least she can't get any fatter.
me: *getting upset about something sexist on TV*
Grandpa: *patronizingly patting my back* You women always get so emotional about everything. This is what feminism does, blows everything out of proportion.