yes brain, you can has (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
astro_noms) wrote2013-05-04 04:53 pm
astro_noms) wrote2013-05-04 04:53 pm
Entry tags:
I have no idea what I'm doing
I had a panic attack at 2 in the morning yesterday, which makes two of them in the last three days. I suspect that as grad school application deadlines loom closer and closer, I'm going to have a few more of them. It's not that I'm freaking out over not getting in, because I'm pretty confident I can. But the prospect of choosing a thesis advisor, and deciding on a topic, and writing the thing, and playing by the stupid fucking medieval rules of Polish academia at the same time? *rocks in the corner*
On top of that, my mother's trying to convince me to go for a second BA - there used to be a two year diploma program at the institute of Judaic studies, but they've turned that into a regular BA program now - but I really don't know if I want to do that. Like, sure, it might be fun, but I haven't even decided if I'm going to stay at UWro, not to mention whether I'm going to try for a second degree. I guess I'm going to need to make up my mind pretty soon, since application dates are coming.
It's just... I've never been tremendously fond of writing critical analysis of anything. And to think I'm going to have to write 60+ pages of it makes me worry. Because what if I suck? What if I pick something I'm enthusiastic about, and I spend the two years of the program neck deep in research, and then it ends up sucking? What if I start hating it halfway through, and that totally screws up what I'm doing? And it's not like I can really talk to my mom about it, because she's just gonna bust out that old "stop being ridiculous, you're a smart girl, you can do anything you want," which thanks, I guess? but that's not what I'm looking for when I tell her stuff like this. And I'm going to stop writing this now, before I write myself into another panic attack... /o\
On top of that, my mother's trying to convince me to go for a second BA - there used to be a two year diploma program at the institute of Judaic studies, but they've turned that into a regular BA program now - but I really don't know if I want to do that. Like, sure, it might be fun, but I haven't even decided if I'm going to stay at UWro, not to mention whether I'm going to try for a second degree. I guess I'm going to need to make up my mind pretty soon, since application dates are coming.
It's just... I've never been tremendously fond of writing critical analysis of anything. And to think I'm going to have to write 60+ pages of it makes me worry. Because what if I suck? What if I pick something I'm enthusiastic about, and I spend the two years of the program neck deep in research, and then it ends up sucking? What if I start hating it halfway through, and that totally screws up what I'm doing? And it's not like I can really talk to my mom about it, because she's just gonna bust out that old "stop being ridiculous, you're a smart girl, you can do anything you want," which thanks, I guess? but that's not what I'm looking for when I tell her stuff like this. And I'm going to stop writing this now, before I write myself into another panic attack... /o\
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I wish I had good advice, but I don't. Um. *hugs?*
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It would be nice if something more helpful would come of a talk with your mom. Maybe there's somebody else who would have good advice?