Casu Consulto

I am horribly behind on reading my flist and everything else, so if there's anything fun/interesting/wanky happening, feel free to let me know, either in the comments or via e-mail, mkay? *gloms you all*

Saw Mom and Stepdad off to work, and I'm taking my sweet time doing anything, including showering and getting dressed, because it's my goddamn birthday and they're gonna be gone most of the day, so I can be a slob if I want to. I have some translation that I really need to finih, because I was supposed to send it in on like, Friday, but travel and everything kind of got in the way. And then... I don't know. It's snowing, and it's supposed to rain later, so maybe I'll go to a museum somewhere? I have no idea what I want to see.

Mom took me to her friend's bachelorette party on Saturday, we went to a concert at Juilliard on Sunday, Mom took me to Dia: yesterday, with a caveat of "I know you don't really like modern art, but I think you'll like this" (I did, mostly), and we're going to see Waiting for Godot (!!!!) on Wednesday. The tickets are like, in the nosebleeds and I think they're actually standing tickets, but given the chance, I wasn't going to miss this. We're probably going out for sushi tonight, and there's something else I' probably forgetting for Thursday afternoon, so I'm having a quite busy and activity-filled week. I'm really glad I'm getting today mostly to myself, because while I enjoy doing stuff with mom and Michael and I'm very glad I'm here, I'm getting a tiiiiny bit burned out on being social and not curling up under a blanket and not coming out. So getting a bit of alone time is great for recharging my batteries.

Tomorrow morning is registration for classes back home. We finally got the schedule late yesterday, and oy vey, it is a HUEG mess. There are classes overlapping, and they've given 5 groups of one course to one instructor and only one to another, so there's going to be a big rush on those. Assuming I get everything I'll be trying to get, I may possibly have Fridays off, which would be nice. In a small school like ours, we don't get more than one section per class, so if you want to take something, you're stuck with what they give you, time slot-wise, and there's no alternatives. And although one might think that small school = more instructor time for every student, that's definitely not the case at our institute. I keep saying we need to stage a coup and start running things with the students in mind, rather than just catering to the needs of the faculty. My mom keeps saying I should stay on and do a doctorate (at which point, because you have to teach as part of the program, I'd be part of the faculty), and try changing things from inside, but IDK...

Anyway, that's not what the crying in the subject line is a reference to, actually. gorgeousnerd linked to the last MCR song and video and foolishly enough, I watched. I'm jut glad that the parental units were out of the house, because I burst into tears about halfway through and didn't stop until it was well over. This band, I swear. I fought getting into bandom for the longest time, resisted listening to MCR for a while, and then when I fell, I fell hard. Waking up to the news that they'd broken up on the day I was due to leave Wales last year was hard, and getting to hear a new song on my birthday... well, it's definitely a bittersweet thing. I'll have to listen to the song a few more times before I can fully appreciate it, but I'm thinking that won't be today.

I had a panic attack at 2 in the morning yesterday, which makes two of them in the last three days. I suspect that as grad school application deadlines loom closer and closer, I'm going to have a few more of them. It's not that I'm freaking out over not getting in, because I'm pretty confident I can. But the prospect of choosing a thesis advisor, and deciding on a topic, and writing the thing, and playing by the stupid fucking medieval rules of Polish academia at the same time? *rocks in the corner*

On top of that, my mother's trying to convince me to go for a second BA - there used to be a two year diploma program at the institute of Judaic studies, but they've turned that into a regular BA program now - but I really don't know if I want to do that. Like, sure, it might be fun, but I haven't even decided if I'm going to stay at UWro, not to mention whether I'm going to try for a second degree. I guess I'm going to need to make up my mind pretty soon, since application dates are coming.

It's just... I've never been tremendously fond of writing critical analysis of anything. And to think I'm going to have to write 60+ pages of it makes me worry. Because what if I suck? What if I pick something I'm enthusiastic about, and I spend the two years of the program neck deep in research, and then it ends up sucking? What if I start hating it halfway through, and that totally screws up what I'm doing? And it's not like I can really talk to my mom about it, because she's just gonna bust out that old "stop being ridiculous, you're a smart girl, you can do anything you want," which thanks, I guess? but that's not what I'm looking for when I tell her stuff like this. And I'm going to stop writing this now, before I write myself into another panic attack... /o\

Hey, AO3, let's talk about being able to download a whole fic series in one file, hmm? There are probably way more multi-fic series out there than I'm aware of, but I've run into quite a few myself, and it's kind of a pain, managing them on a Kindle, especially when the series name is not encoded in the metadata title. Like, even that would be helpful, maybe appended to the title as (Series, Part x of y). I know I can do this sort of thing myself with something like Calibre, but I also know I'm not the only person who wishes series downloading was a thing. Also, while we're on the subject of things we'd like to see, as moonie pointed out the other day, "notify upon completion" would be a cool thing for those of us who don't like to read WIPs until they're finished.

I've been in kind of a funk lately, swinging back and forth between good days and bad, with the latter being far more prevalent. Like yesterday, for example. I was determined to actually be productive, so I packed up the computer, grabbed a banana for lunch, and went to the library. And sat there for the better part of an hour, staring at the computer screen and accomplishing absolutely nothing. So I figured, OK, a mental health day may be in order, where I focus solely on making myself feel better, and went home. And then I sat there at home, stressing out over how I was wasting time on a mental health day. *sigh* Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

But then I decided that I needed to try some relaxation and possibly just unwind some more, so I googled and found a 30 minute thing on YouTube. There's some binaural sounds for deep relaxation added in there, but I have no idea how they're supposed to work, so IDK. I put on my headphones, got comfortable on the bed, and played the thing. And then the next thing I knew, it was three hours later, and I was getting woken up by knocking on my door. I do feel a little better, although I wish I hadn't slept for so long, because it's now past 2am, and I'm still up. Although judging by the yawning and the encroaching grogginess, it might not be too long before I faceplant into a pillow.

From time to time, I get the urge to join various online communities, whether it's user groups for a camera on Flickr, author mailing lists, or something like that. And then I look at the amount of posts/mail that comes in every day, and I end up slowly backing away while not making eye contact, because I just get a feeling that nothing I might contribute would actually be worth anything and I'm just gonna go over there doing something else. >_> IDK, it even goes for things I'm interested in, like the gazillion writing comms I've been in and failed out of. Every time I make the resolution to actually try and participate, I last about a week and then wash out again.

I don't know whether this is just another aspect of my introvert nature shining through, or maybe I'm just a big antisocial loser who can't take even those "no pressure" comms.

*sigh* Being tired makes me morose. I need to go to bed.